Overcoming Suicidality By Re-Authoring Your Life Story
By Lindsey Gittins My thin and problem-saturated story In 2001 I stumbled and fell. It hurt. It hurt so much that my employer insisted that I be booked off work. I was put onto disability. I became a disabled person. For three and a half years I internalized my disability along with my Severe Major Depression F33.2 and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. As a disabled and labelled person life became problematic. I struggled to physically hold it together and my body refused to work, I was depressed and I felt that the end of the world was upon me, and I was suicidal and wanted that world to end. My life became problem-saturated. My story thinned out. I lost touch with the hyper-competent person that I had been and rather than not being aware of certain parts of my narrative I seemed to disconnect with parts of it as the fatigue, depression and suicidality consumed me. Externalising the problem Albeit not necessarily under the umbrella of a narrative therapist at the time, some narrative ways of being came to pass in the form of externalising the problem. Without realising the benefits, I found myself referring to “the depression” rather than myself being depressed. I was able to realise that I had been affected by the depression, but I didn’t internalise it and I believed that it was the depression that had made me withdrawn, anxious and socially inept. I understood that when the depression lifted I would find myself again. The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was also something that I was given the capacity through disability benefits to rest out and I related to this as something that would pass with time. What was trickier to deal with was the monster of suicidality which often won the battle albeit fortunately never the war. A Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction course taught me to treat these conditioned responses to my desires to escape life’s difficulties as a thought — simply a thought –and I developed a relationship with these thoughts where they could be observed and allowed to pass without any need to internalise them or act upon them. Thus unique outcomes came to be. Unique Outcomes Being able to resist the overwhelming thoughts of suicide was something that gave me tremendous strength and contributed to my new story. I recently realised that I have not attempted suicide for over two years and that albeit suicidal thoughts have entered my sphere of ruminations, they have not overwhelmed me or consumed me. In fact they now seem to be notions that occur, but not ones that I would follow through on. These unique outcomes are tremendously empowering and I have written a therapeutic document in lieu of this. Certificate of Life This is to certify that Has chosen life She has chosen to leave behind the monster of suicidal tendencies and stick with life. No longer will she attempt to escape this life, but will revel in it and attempt to stop and smell the flowers (with Pooh Bear) at every available moment. Signed: This day of 2007 An audience I have been involved with my current partner for a year. He has known none of my depressed or suicidal state and although I have disclosed a considerable part of it to him, not knowing it experientially it seems to be quite distant to him. While chatting one evening he described me as stable. I was astonished! However, reflecting on his statement I had to concede that his experience of me has been one of stability, control, humour and one who is all together. It was this external audience of my new story that helped me to integrate my narrative identity. A second audience was my father’s peers. My sister and I organised a surprise 70th birthday party for him at the end of August. I put together an extremely well orchestrated graphic presentation for the invitation as well as on the evening in collaboration with my brother in Canada which impressed the socks off my dad and his friends. My sister and I also presented a polished speech. My date for the evening was impressed and the general feedback received was excellent in terms of the smooth running of the evening. I knew that I would not have been able to pull something like this together a year previously it would have reduced me to the safety of inpatient status - and my audience added to my identity of competence and witting bravado. Both my partner, who is new in my life, and my father’s peers are persons who know me that might be the least inaccessible to my new view of myself. These humble beginnings can allow for a more successful audience experience. However, my family have also participated in being an audience and my father continues to verbalise this each time he sees me by saying: “You are better now Billy aren’t you? You are looking so much better! I think you are better!” Retelling my new story Over the course of the last two years I have had the opportunity to tell my life story in several ways. My application for a Clinical Masters allowed me to tell a story with a past, a present and a future. Whereas in the past my history was thinned by my disability narrative, over this time I was able to re-author my richer story and perceive my illness as fortuitous in that it has set the grounding for the beginnings of a spiritual rebirth and a time of exponential growth which has contributed to my narrative and continues to do so in the present. I have also been able to consider a future and give this a place in my narrative. My stability has afforded me a place where I have been able to take the risk of going out there to meet new people including my new partner. This year has presented me with many new friends and just as many new opportunities to tell my story my new thickened positive construction of my life story - including how grateful I am for the time I had to experience the thinned illness narrative and where it has brought me. This essay has been a wonderful opportunity to express some of my narrative, but certainly to think through it all and retell it to myself: the story of my new narrative. To summarise: 1. Recognise when your life story is limiting or thinned 2. Externalise the problem by naming it and separating it from you. 3. Find unique outcomes or new ways of overcoming the problem. 4. Find an audience to legitimate your new ways of being. 5. Tell your new story again and again You too can re-author your life story and put your name in this therapeutic document. Perhaps you need help in doing in. Lindsey Gittins is an Etherapist for http://www.cybershrink.co.za. CyberShrink is getting a tremendous amount of hits on the keyword suicide over the holidays. If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of being overwhelmed at this time then please get help. You can either visit http://www.cybershrink.co.za or go to your local GP or emergency room. Make this therapeutic document your own. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lindsey_Gittins http://EzineArticles.com/?Overcoming-Suicidality-By-Re-Authoring-Your-Life-Story&id=401553 egg personal loan saudi arabia tightens personal loan regulations zawya 2005 boston apartment for rent no credit check paycheck lyrics- boss shove it
